Fun Facts..or scare tactics!!

Some people are scared to dream... this probably never happened to me, known as a daydreamer, sometimes i think that's what i am to do for this life, dream and make them come true. isn't life itself is a dream?

unlike usual, sometimes we get terrified of disappointments when dreaming about something, putting high hopes building imaginary castles and kingdoms, nations... i wouldn't say this is right or wrong, it depends whatever you dream about or wish for, if a dream is a vehicle then hope is the four tires, and will is the gas.

taking about dreams and vehicles, i might be talking about more personal issue, night dreams, since i have no issues with daydreams excpt that i own them, night dreams, am not talking about nightmares, but these visions that repeat and repeat, sometimes they grow with you as you grow older, well maybe that only happens with me, and maybe yes, this dream this subconscious fire department department is flashing some alarm.. ERROR ERROR.

in my dreams at night ; when I'm all asleep physically, i haven't been able to drive a car since i was about 8 or 7 years old , well except for couple of times, i had a lot of passengers with me, i drove in the wrong directions, i went up hills and down to sharp fall...
at younger age i was forced to move the car or accidentally happen to be in the car alone and i ve to drive it avoiding some accident, and while i do so i cant control the wheel, my legs get too short to break or to press on gas pedals.

as i got older, scenarios changed, now I'm in control, but i make a fast turn, or drive somewhere i don't know..
i wasn't ever driven, when when i was young, and its so surprising that i never asked for help when theres always someone next to me. neither when i am older except for three times this year that i was driven, one by a blind man, one by someone i know, and one by just..a driver but driving in the dim.
one odd time i dreamt i was in the back of a bike, enjoying it , happy and secured.

some people don't take dreams seriously, after all, its just a dream. a friend of mine told me once, don't take it badly, its like a premonition something is telling you whats going on or whats going around so you wont feel so sad she said she thought it was blissful.. and i just smiled!!

while people are sacred to dream with eyes wide open am scared to dream with my lids shut!!

back to real life, considering driving, i as every adult went ahead and took the written test first, and to surprise everyone i passed from the first time, and then i had my permit, where i can drive with an adult who has a valid California driver license.. and i drove, i drove wont say pretty well, but i just did, went to cities, went to the high way and AT LAST i thought my dreams are nothing but dreams, and I'm not driven by them at all..
it was the test for behind the wheel exam, i scrwed, so bad!! took it once , twice and three times. and then i had to retake the written test again, plus my permit was taken away.. you know how many times i took the written test? you probably wont want to know.

while i memorize it by heart, i still fail!! its not a matter of failing, but then dreams again start ti haunt me, can i really drive? am i in the right direction? is it live or is it again the dream? am i getting delusional?
it might not be a coincidence, after all things happen for a reason, and weather we see it or not, accept it or not, its always for the best.

It surprises me how everything is connected, i know human can not be cars, neither can be restricted in some frame.
but just let me share some of the facts that came across my mind. maybe i need to learn something from it.

-In California driver license handbook, driving in different weather conditions...
when driving in the Fog. use your wipers to help clear the vision, and turn on the LOW beam headlight.

important tip: If you cant absolutely see anything ahead of you, move your vehicle the far right of the freeway and don't turn on any lights, so drivers from behind wont confuse you with an on the road car and bump into you.

-Roads are most slippery when the first rain spell after a dry day.
-Speeding will let the vehicle skid.
-Avoid fast turns and fast ramps.

Petals of a dream

& i dont want the world to see me

cause i dont think they'll understand

when everything is made to be broken

i just want you to know who i am..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiun1zBaEQ4&feature=related

i just want you to know who i am

Prayer...

God.. O'Allah, in the name of you the most gracious and most merciful..

i ask you by your name The Patient, The Timeless, to grant me patience, i ask you by your name The Wise to grant me wisdom...my impulsive frustration is snaking around me poisoning the good part inside i just cant hold it back anymore ..

far away, away from your path , how i feel so lost and disoriented, cant find a place to lay my troubles on to lay my mistakes, my secrets, my dreams, my plans for tomorrow, my fears, my memories my tears who will i turn to but you, Allah?! for you are ,The Guide.

i turn to you, with every single part of me , i turn to you Allah , i who have nothing in this world, this world that lies in your hand,i who is nothing in this whole universe that goes under your commands,
i am turning to you, with my plead to grant me the righteous in this world, this world of injustice, a world that has flipped all meaning up-side down, for you are The Utterly Just, The Judge, The Arbitrator.

God, i know i am not always good but i do try, and i have nothing i can say i am proud of but being your servant...God, how so weak and small i feel towards your highness for you are The Magnificent, The Infinite.

God, grant me knowledge to sweep away my ignorance for you are The All Aware , grant me strength to stand up for the hardship of life for you are, The Firm, The Steadfast.
God, grant me health to worship you for you are The Strong, grant me a good heart to forgive and be kind for you are The Gentle, The Subtly Kind.
God, grant me peace to give it to those who seek it for you are The All Beneficent, The Most Merciful in Essence, The Compassionate, The Most Gracious,.
God, grant me love, to love you, to love everyone and everything in your sake. in your sake alone, for you are The One Who Loves His Believing Slaves and His Believing Slaves Love Him.

lead me to your light, to your truth, to your path to your forgiveness , to your paradise for you are, The One Who Creates the Light of Belief in the Hearts of All the Believers.

God, when they ask me who do you love the most, i smile and merrily say, Allah! just like a kid, they laugh and think i want to keep the answer to myself, but how can i keep all this love within myself, i cant hide it anymore.
God, words fail me, for i cant express whats in my heart anymore, and who will know whats inside me but you, The All Knowing, The Omniscient.
God i have nothing to say but forgive me for everything, even if i don't deserve it, for i know you are The All Forgiving.

O Allah, I invoke You with all of Your Beautiful Names bless us,forgive us and have mercy on us , to send your peace upon your prophet Muhammad, and his family , his companions, and his followers, and on all of the beings in the universe, dead and alive AMIN.

In a Mermaid phase

will it be so funny for me to post a cartoon song?, specially Disney princess story, but regardless of who's story is this. it seems to say something about me...
the thrill to be, the rebellious part of me to break free of whats around and just be whoever i want.

Every single word of this song, just translate what i have been feeling inside, something inside me wants to break free, from the deep sea, and be part of the world.. walk, run, wander on the shore..DANCE ..

Up where they walk, up where they run,
Up where they could stay all day in the sun..

It might be the mermaid inside me who is ready to get to the surface , or maybe in my old life i was a mermaid..!! either ways. this song tells it all.

Part Of Your World, the Arabic version






and for those who likes it in English.. there you go

Isolation

Pain..
"pain leads to isolation" i heard it on a TV commercial about a headache pill such a true statement , yet so intelligent. don't we all have this sense of isolation inside us?

As we all carry all positive and negative feelings inside us, we experience them in different percentages in one or all phases that we go through.

Individuality..
comes with a lot of uniqueness and difference of ones self , it starts with standing your own ground and having your say, drawing your own dreams and it ends with doing things your way. individuality comes with a lot of responsibility, and its always attached to freedom, and free will. each one of us is individually different yet not every individual is independent.

and to make my point clear Independence wont lead you to isolation but it may come with a high price, that's according to your individuality, weather you are a dependent person or Independence person, weather you are a leader or a follower. that means that individuality is associated to Independence but not limited to it.

so what leads to isolation?.. i am talking about inner isolation, feeling alienated for the big part i would say its individuality, the unique person you are, your own thoughts and believes, that may go along or stray from everyone around you.
in your country, neighbourhood, family, circle of friends there are common things that you would share.. common language for example, cultural habits
yet expressing yourself and they way you practice those habit or might not do, would make you feel isolated..
its such a terrible feeling, that you would use the same phrases and same letters but u cant make one simple thought clear to others. you are basically on a difference state.. you are not on the same boat you are there ALONE.

deserted on an island, that is your inner self, having no one to understand or accept this crazy and different head and heart of yours.
there's no one to blame for your own individuality, for being yourself!

people get scared of what they don't know, and sometimes going against the wind is something they are not familiar with, it makes them scared because it threatenes their OWN individuality, fearing that it would affect their free will, then the blame starts, and the pointing fingers appear to be directed your way. its then when you reach for this island inside you , that place you go to and know there's no one there to understand or share your points of view nor see things the way you do

even if being different is well accepted it wont take this island inside you..it wont release you from the cell you found yourself in.
no matter who you are surrounded by you loneliness starts to grow uncontrollably.
and no matter how well accepted still you would have this "virgin state of mind" as your everyday status.

and in my individual way, i would say that, isolation leads to pain to a different headache , that i wish a pill can cure.

My company is a ball!

Running away from the four walls , welcoming fresh air and blending in with the nature around me is a habit, i do every other day,i get out of the daily routine put everything behind me at the door inside the house... and walk away.

i take songs with me, walk to the rhythm of each melody, i become an actress performing to every word, my stage is the pavement, my casts are the flowers, the trees ,the birds and the bees...the sky is my audience , everything responds to my every move my every step.

i walk and i walk and with every step i take, i let go of thing in my head, i opened up to inhale more air in, for the fresh air touch my mind , blow all the unnecessary thoughts away and tickle playfully my euphoric sense.

till reach my destination, a place in the park among the grass i stay there, watching people playing around or simply walking or listening to the sound of the basketball game from a far away.., i lay down and i watch the big sky i watch till i get lost there, sometimes i think its gonna swallow me, or it might fall over me it hypnotize me in a very merciful way.

Since songs are the only thing i take with me they are my only company...unfortunate enough in my last journey to the park, laying down on the grass gazing at the sky, there is my perfect moment with my favorite piece of music, it suddenly stopped..the player ran out of battery!

i said to myself, no not now! just before i finish the thread of thought of weather my moment is ruined or not, a voice calling me..Hey! i looked back and she thew a tennis ball at me and i wasn't sure what she wanted , so i yelled back "not mine".. so she nodded her head in a way and kicked the ball more my way and went..

so i grabbed the ball and looked at it, not sure why was t thrown my way, not sure where was this ball at or with whom!..

just a stray ball and i, in the park.. i kept looking at it, making a lot stories of where this ball was at and i may never know, and even though i was curious enough to wonder about this ball..

i enjoyed the thrill it brought me but most of all i enjoyed its company :)

On my way to paradise

I am not a professional photographer, i don't consider myself a photographer! i don't even have a camera...

My eyes are my camera, and they capture all the beauty that i get touched by...

You can walk!

One may not know why certain things are thrown at him/her, there's always a higher wisdom to everything that happen to us.. but i didn't think this way when that boy came to our house specially when his parents left and he started to cry like a siren non-stop, i sympathized with him so i tried to hold him... it was funny the way he rushed to me and stopped crying that same moment ... since then he became my favorite, oh well let me rephrase that, he made me, make him my favorite!

very sooner that i have come to discover that he couldn't walk yet! his parents might have spoiled him a little bit too much when they allowed him every time to be lifted up when he wanted to this little sad puppy face can get you easily, even though his tears broke my heart but hes gotta do what a baby gotta do. Its time for him to walk, this i decided!


and as i look at him and wonder, about those powers that we have things that we take for granted, simple things we are born with and born to do, things that are built in our systems, like walking, expressing our needs/feelings, comprehending a foreign language and learning how to speak it some of the first lessons that we learn in life.
i didn't realize before that i would see all those powers in a one year old baby, how he fails and tries one more, how he wouldn't understand what is said to him but would try to express himself with the little baby knowledge that he has, his ability to learn something new everyday, a color, a shape, a sound, a taste a word..
its amazing


i look at myself, how big i am now and i look at the difficulties in my life from a different angle and say, "those are just a baby problems" i am nothing but a bigger version of him as well as my obstacles , there are so a lot in a human being we can over come anything, we can achieve anything. only if wanted, and tried!


we have to work to get those powers inside out, things we don't pay attention to, things we take for granted as long as we are alive, everyday is a new day to learn a new lesson a new skill a new language .. a new day to taste failure to learn how to succeed, a new day to get a scar to know how to heal, a new day to break and learn how to fix, or a new day to get lost to know how to find your way back.. a new day to lose to know how to win
a new day to fall.. to learn how to stand on your feet again... and WALK.

Truth.. may you rest forever in peace

I'm not trying hard to focus on what i am gonna say... not out of curiosity but I'm setting my thoughts free , i am opening the gate to the caged water and the flood is crashing in.

A quote that i just have read , explains the way i fee, neither i want to share what i feel nor what the quote says.


someone out there might be offended , it seems that lately i am getting in EverReady's nerve weather i am talking saying what i think or feel or weather i am deadly silent mad about something or just don't have something to say..
i am the change i wish to see in the world..(but hey that's a different quote)... i don't only speak the truth but i am being truthful. do you think this done me any well?... truth is like a knife cutting the bad part of the apple and leaving the good, and i realized the more i seek it the more i realized all the apples i have in the basket are rotten!.


sad but true!.. its the truth.

and its painful, yes its hard for me to accept it but i have to,its painful but i have to handle it because that's what i wanted is to have my eyes opened to the truth and it is wide open now , so what am i going to do?..
ill sit and watch the actors of the play fall one by one, like leaves off the tree
or maybe ill go myself pick them all up and trash them out.
time tells , and the time is now and i hear what it says...
still this part of me keep hurting, give it another chance, another shot.. don't give up
once a wise girl said..."i don know about giving up but there are times to move on"... but the wise girl didn't explain how to know how to differ when to try harder or when to pass on?.. when you are short of breath thirsty to death on a desert place and cant see a well or any water surface , not even a mirage or an illusion will you give it another try?..

truth is not relative.. Truth can not be colored the way we want it to be, truth is one. one size fits all.. but not all of us like to wear it.

trial

Prayer to the sleepy soul of mine

someday..

i Will smile from my heart and say..
Th's is what i came to accomplish
this is all what i want from life
someday .. i will be able to fly
and reach a real place i call my own
and leave all the fake nests
i made a frail home for myself
someday.. my tears will stop to roll down
and will start living the life i always wanted
someday i will get what i deserve
and all the joy will replace all the pain
someday ill love and be loved
without borderlines of distance or mind
someday not far from now
one day i will be happy and look back
and this will be in the past
someday i will feel content
someday i will make things right
someday ...
someday..
i will start living.

without fear or doubt
without disappointing me or others
without hurting the soul that soars inside me
someday feel misery
and the world will smile for me
someday i will believe again
someday everything will fall into place
and i will say
finally .. its all right
i will no longer stray

SOMEDAY
the sun will shine
the birds will sing
someday.. someday

FREEDOM

A gate before me… i am in i already opened the door and stepped shall i never go back again. i may but i wont .

Discovery … its nothing new but for me it is, that i can live without… just without. i can live and be whatever i want ..,.

I am a branch free not attached to anything at all, i have never felt so secure, so relieved .. is that what i was lacking?

freedom.. to free myself from anything i am attached to, attached with and everything attached to me? well yes the answer is YES. i am free even from myself . can you imagine how beautiful this feels?

Many questions i wasted my life to look for their answers neglecting living in them.. experience them tasting them.. feeling them … be within, get involved .. how would i know fire burns if i didn't get close enough?

What’s life? what’s love? what’s loss? what’s hurt? what’s death?…

I don’t know the answers.. all i have are only theories , not a final conclusion to what i have been thinking about .. not a treasure to my digging deep .

Changing the deck back to where i was aiming to before i went all shipwrecked and losing direction in the sea of my raging dreams…

Compromise… life is a big compromise .. just cant have it all.. life is what we make it.. bundle of people, dreams, places and things…selected and packed in a big or small bundle called principles-of-your-own!

life is a big tree… you cant own the tree, you are just another leaf sooner or later the wind will pull you away or you will just fall off.

but this is not a final answer… this is not a final word, life is ever changing yet everything is still the same.

Will… my free will is my compass … and i am activating it to lead me to where i always wanted to be..

With or Without. I'm going…

i freed myself from all the hands that pulled me down, and all the thoughts that tore me in all directions.

i am myself again. what it takes to be me.. i am FREE

FREE