Dear Vincent.

How are you holding up? how are you holding in, within all these walls surrounding you.
Remember when once you've let me in,
Glass, it's all like water facade, what you see is what you get
More than a pebble, to think, to project and to reflect.

Dear Vincent,

It's been a while since we talked, even when i speak with your voice
Even when you hear me with your own ears
It's so clear, you can see me, i can see you from here

Dear Vincent,

I forgot all what i came here for,
I'm sure there was so much for me to say
But words are not my friends, even when that's I all could ever posses
Paradox takes a stride on me .But to open up to you. Sorry!

Dear Vincent,

I've seen visions of clouds where I've been flying upon
I was swimming in a sea of green and fields of marine blue
The sky was falling and my head was rising
A star in the dim of the night, felt like home

Dear Vincent,

When you get this, I know where you'll be
So i left the key under the map
Let yourself in, rocking on that boat by the fire
Follow the flames, you need no clues.

Dear Vincent,

I woke up today and for a moment
I forgot what day it is today
Where i was or where i am
What i'm doing or I'm to do
I looked out of the window
Ran out in the streets
Pictures and things, names and frames
I looked in the mirror
I couldn't tell who is who

Dear Vincent,

Among amber haze
I saw a  dream
I walked into the rooms of my soul
I saw your name painted on the walls
The walls you surround yourself in
The door slammed shut
I'm a prisoner too

 Dear Vincent,

I'll tell you a secret, it will only stay between us two
There's an arrow of wood and steel
Planted in the heart of mine
It hurts so bad that i can can no longer feel
It grows wild, little thorns on every vine
it grows long and deeper in

Dear Vincent,

With cherry lips,
I can't go sleeping
For the very thought of....
while Curtains dance feverish
To the scarlet breaths of  the night

Dear Vincent,

This wine is so sour,
Like the taste of tears
Intoxication open doors
But how,

How did you become so discreet?!

When the world ends.

When the world ends.

 When the world ends. i thought i’d be holding on to you

when the sky shatters u thought i'd carry you through

now you’re not here

and i'm gonna be alone when the world ends

when the world ends …i’ll dissolve with everything, strayed and cold

when the world ends. there will be no hope 

when the world ends , there will be no real friend

when the world ends, there will be no you.

when the world ends, there will be no me

and the world ends everyday! 

Only a life!

One moment at a time
One breathe!
And a scale to weight what's valuable.
It's always you and your choices
You and this operator in your head
You and the whole universe in a split of a second.
You miss one judgment and the whole world leans to the wrong direction
Like a big titanic , you break and sink in halves and quarters , slaps and shreds!
All meant to be, yes it's all meant to be.
Just one skipped heart beat and a held breath.
What would you miss?!
NOTHING
Only one moment
Only a "life"!

Music Box

Tiny dancer... in a soft sounding music box
Her dress might not twirl and flow with the air..
But she's going round on the tip of her ballerina shoes
And when the world is sound asleep, she comes to live
and everything becomes hers and a spark within her shines

Spring-Flower Dream

One day i'm gonna have my own garden...
A fertile land far beyond the high mountains
Underneath the sky lighting green green trees
with the sun bathing my chords
and soft breeze brushing my hair
beside the flowing river
where the dew kisses the royal lilies along the banks
and the ducks will fiddle their wings
to the dancing pond weeds
 and birds will whistle their immortal  tunes
Up where the palms hug the sky
and the worms climb up that ancient willow
where big eyed the owl guards the trees
starring at wild grass tickle the frowny pansies 
I'll stretch my two feet and dive in the soil
In my colorful dress flowing north and east
 the seeds will fly as high as the clouds
making love to the blushing roses
and the butterflies will drink up sweet potions
and pet drunken lovers noses
they will stay up to the break of down
chasing lightening bugs like flying stars
watching the moon go home
and the golden sun will rise again
To the fertile land beyond the mountainous.

Little-ones.

A world globe... in the palm of her hands
A round tear slips and spoils the view, its raining
A questions blown in the air, its hot, it's hell ..it's summer
Summer of the mind. and the mid-day of a single thought
She says she liked everything by it's double
She said, laughter and hidden misery are her secret way to
Figure out the meaning of it all,
A goddess out of a shell.. one day she's the queen of heaven
Next day... can anyone tell?
& Does anyone really know her, or anyone ever did?
Did anyone ever know anything? or did they really care to care?...
Hungry eyes, angry alibis, looking at her through the glass
Her nations underneath, the "little-ones"
Is anyone out there?

Feathers...

She stored him
 In their happiest moments
Feather by feather
Implanted inside her heart
A feather for every melody
 Of the songs they sang
Another  for all the adventures
Of their crazy dreams
A feather for all the places
Their feet traced together
She pulled every threads of her soul 
& sewed herself in his every detail 
The sweetness of his murmurs  
In the echoes oh his laughter
&  the twinkles of his eyes
The warmth of his embrace
In the touch of his hands
& the shadow of his smile. 
She froze the moments,
Perfect moments.
there where she stays.
The fact of his existence alone!
Gives her hope for another day
A reason to count her blessings.
To sleep in hopes of  a flight
 with him in her dreams
Praying that when she wakes up
She'll  opens up her eyes to where his wings at.

Butterfly!

Butterfly, butterfly

Flutter in to the skies

Butterfly, butterfly

Their molecular cries

Chrysalis dreams waiting on the fifth in-star

These stained glass wings could only take you so far

You don't have to say that it matters

Cuz I'm A SuperGirl!

scattered: Careless whispers...!!!

scattered: Careless whispers...!!!: "Blah, Blah, Blah , Blah , Blah Bluh Blah , Blah, Blah , Blah, Blah, Blah Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.. HA!.. haha , hahahahahahahaha..."

Another song, that relates to everything.

A show on the radio once had this topic on discussion, what movie theme would describe your life, or if your life were a movie what theme would it be? i was about 18 or so, yet my life hasn't changed so much from now, as my answer was "cartoon"
For all those unbelievable things that can happen, all of a sudden to me or by me or even around me, such a colorful chaos.


Now it makes sense to me when most of my fav songs, or lets say some of them, interpret the phases i go through, sometimes i feel like nothing can describe it best. And currently
This one says is all.
Unlike other times when i posted the video of the song, this time im gonna share only the lyrics for nothing can say it best, for all those dear dear once who choose to leave for another avenue! u'll find a link below if you would like to listen to it. a brilliant song from movie, The Road to El dorado


& Friends Never say goodbye, Elton john.

There isn't much I haven't shared
With you along the road
And through it all there'd always be
Tomorrow's episode
Suddenly that isn't true
There's another avenue
Beckoning the great divide
Ask no questions, take no side
Who's to say who's right or wrong
Whose course is braver run
Still we are, have always been
Will ever be as one

What is done has been done for the best
Though the mist in my eyes might suggest
Just a little confusion about what I'll lose
But if I started over I know I would choose
The same joy the same sadness each step of the way
That fought me and taught me that friends never say
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye

Suddenly that isn't true
There's another avenue
Beckoning, the great divide
I would choose
The same joy the same sadness each step of the way
That fought me and taught me that friends never say
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye

The movie version : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFlh0KAnkFg&feature=related


Full Studio Version : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23RAuHyZS2o&feature=related

I Shall Learn...

& i shall learn...
I shall rise up and climb this mountain, i
i shall speak the unspoken
i shall build a nest,
i shall gather some pebbles along the shore,
i shall be what i always dreamt,
i shall be what i ought to..
never it is too late,
i just need sanity and insainty to differ the truth from the myth,
i shall see the light, its all over me,
i shall touch it, breath it,hear it...
i shall experience another dimention,
i shall disappear in a morning breaze,
a young sun,
an infant blue sky,
an insomniac moon,
and stoned dwelling stars.
i shall put my sowrd back and rise a white flag,
i shall call for peace, for freedom, for love..i shall be, what i hope to see..

Unspoken...

Whats worse than a sequence of wrong words said in the wrong time?
whats worse than carving some mistake over a great wall.. something u just cant erase?
whats worse than lying?
whats worse than an undone job?
whats worse than not going the distance?
whats worse than jumping and getting a bruise?
whats worse than answering wrong to a strange question?
whats worse than walking the wrong road?
whats worse than a comfort zone?

The Unspoken.. the undone..
the chocking needle in your throat
The heavy load in your chest
the frozen power in your wrests and ankles
the tears you haven't shed
the fear that would stop you from being you
the beast you cant face
the mirror you see yourself in within the million eyes you meet.
DENIAL

whats worse than impulsiveness?
thinking twice!

whats worse than me being not who i am
stubborn, irrational, chaotic,late, clumsy, emotional, silly! ....
my very old mistake i cant overcome.
the unspoken!

Emilie Simon - Desert (french)

...and it seems like a lot of things in French say a lot about me, once was a movie now this song,
a song i relate to in so many ways :)

the way i love my coffee...

Webs of smoke like velvet hands crawl over my resting body

Invade me, crash over me like wild sea wave

I open up my eyes like two rosebuds before the sun,

Like a spell I’m under, I give in, I surrender to that sensation

Fly my way to where the pots and pans drum silently in cages

I jingle a big white well through and pour in some pure desire

Dark and thick skinned with a natural spark

Fifty four drops of cream

Drop by drop i count them like rain for I am the cloud washing the dark skies away

Like a flowing scarf in the wind I watch it as it blends in

Two hundred thirty seven sculptured grains of sugar

Like star dust for I am fairy, sprinkling down the brown river

Two hundred thirty seven tiny dancers dive in, twisting and fading into the void.

i gaze into a sweet perfection, so tempted to touch

A warm embrace melting my worries away

A Poisonous kiss, I give in

I close the door,

This moment is mine.

le fabuleux destin d'amélie poulain

A movie a relate to...
in so many ways.

Enjoy!

Lunch With A Bird.

On a table for four i sat down once; times four, an attempt to find myself the chair that had the most shades in that hot hot day. A decent restaurant outdoor view facing the trees and the greens, very light music in the background, i think i pretty much confused the waitress who might have thought i was playing musical chairs with her. specially when i commented that I'll probably keep moving to the other chairs following the sun movement, the waitress laughed but i was serious :D



You know those kinds of feelings that hit you suddenly like electric shocks, like when you miss someone and they start to hack your head, a throb in your chest that bangs, comes and goes so fast like thunder striking a tree something you cant deny or avoid, yet you just cant put your finger on it.
...& i had one of those strikings!, didn't know exactly what it is but i knew it was associated with that phone call i make almost every time of my lunch hour.
A company that makes my food taste better, music sound finer and silence more meaningful... and hidden meanings laying underneath each breath inhaled and exhaled.



All settled down, with bunch of menus to choose from, it was the only day i knew what i wanted before i go but i chose something completely different. while i was sitting talking silently to everything around me observing details trying to paint with my heart the moment and capture with my eyes the view in front of me,
i go drifted with thought as usual, of how i have a sleeping painter inside me, that painter is awaken every time i see a nice view my finger long to hold a brush and smear some colours all around a blank page. thought about photography , and how close it is to painting i figured out its one of the reasons i like taking pictures is my passion for painting, even though i sank into thoughts, that striking didn't leave me alone.



I don't like to eat alone, but yet most of the time i eat alone, you can say i am pretty selective about who i spend time with, to me finding just random people i see everyday and meet them for lunch talk about whatever blah blah doesn't appeal to me at all for many reasons, first; i don't like discussing work stuff with coworkers while eating , second; I'm not the kind who likes the casual anything. i like to put a meaning in everything , at the same time i would welcome anyone who likes to talk to me or wants to join me for lunch or invite me for one.

but today despite the fact i was solo in a table of four, thinking about whatever may have caught my curiosity i turned my head and on the table stood facing me in the eye a tiny blackbird, it lingered there for quite sometime as if it was telling me to ask the waitress to hurry a little she was really late this time, i thought about calling her to bring some bread i was pretty sure the bird wanted some until the food gets ready.
the bird flew as the waitress approached the table, all bothered by fast movements of giant humans, it hid somewhere under the table, as my head was following the bird, the waitress asked me what i wanted and i told her the bird seemed to want some bread, and i would like to share it too, for the second time she laughed thinking i was sarcastic but i was serious!

The bird remained under the table, hopping from a corner to another, finally came the bread and the funny part was when the bird flew right on the chair in front of me.
the wind was blowing fast, everything flew off the table, but the bird stood there very stable and well balanced. i had some kind of admiration towards that bird. we shared the bread and a deep conversation and i find myself singing some song, i dug in my purse got a pen and a paper and wrote down while i sang along at that time the waitress came over finally with food, looked at what i was doing and i didn't need to wonder what she's thinking, she didn't laug and i pretended that it wasn't all serious!!!
the bird flew under the table again. striking thunder in my head this time, that feeling i couldn't avoid, i knew that bird wanted to tell me something i know it's him that i miss, even though we spoke twice that day. i grabbed the phone and called him.

even though i knew exactly what i wanted to say, but again i found me talking about .....the bird! and some silent conversation about random-specific things.
wasn't so long that i knew i had to go back to work, asked for the check, took whats left of the food the waitress was fast that time she probably got the hint i was in a hurry and probably though (oh-well a crazy customer!!!).
still on the phone, holding down the arms of the clock stretching it one minute later and few seconds later, i had go back to work...

leaving my winged heart and soaring mind flying around where he is.

There she is...

There she is...
hiding between big green bushes
playing her invisible piano on every leaf
singing her soft songs to the wind

take me.. take me high
take me away , away from here, from me
take me..

There she is...
laying facing light-bugs
fly off the velvety ceiling
she's not awake, shes not asleep
she's a wave and a drop
splashing her pleads to the river below her

Take me...take me deep
take me deep into your heart
drift me away from here.
take me...

There she's flying back to the sun
in the eye of the sun
melting away, shinning through
she's diving in, sinking deep
she dreams as she attaches her silky wings
praying...

take me...take me far beyond
tear this horizon, the walls around me
take me... up and away
fly me out of the milky way
take me away..

she waited, waited and waited
until she fell out of time
until everything melted with the heat of
the rising star in her head.

she waited for the fairy to come with the news
but the fairy didn't come
not this time

and there she is
in the field of her head
freewheeling
following threads of moonlit
mourning within her soul

paint me the colour of the breeze
take me away , into your light
suck me into your rays,
melt me within your shadows
twirl me cream and brown
Hold me a window not a mirror
open the shades and breathe me in
inhale me in your every breath
swim me in your blood
take me to your heart
pulse me to your head
find me a place a chair
sit and sip your thoughts with me

dance me out of here
dance me through the night
the night all around me
dance me away.
away from here.

There she's
she's here
she's there
she's not anywhere.
she's a wave and a drop
shes evaporated by the morning sun
until the next first rain spell.

Shape of my heart..

On Life...

Life is a feather..
Once up, Once down..

Life is an apple
One bite sour, One bite sweet

Life is a cup
Half full, Half empty

Life is what it is
simple and complicated.

Life is what we make it
its a lemon, for we might have the whole tree
Life is what we choose, it to be
lets make a juicy sugary-sour treat
bring your cup and sip with me!!